Watching Showtime

After reminding us that Adele is totally crazy, the L Word gets started with a super-spy beginning! From a chick on a motorcycle to spy awesomeness, this movie isn’t Lez Girls but Nikki’s latest release. She’s playing straight, and I’m betting the filming of this new movie will cause some problems for the Lez Girls shoot. I’m betting this is how her agents are going to combat the lesbian rumors.

Shane and Jodi are bike riding on a trail, presumably getting ready for the charity bike ride. When they stop for a break, Shane’s talking again and again about Molly. She’s clearly got a crush, and she’s totally fine with being played by the straight girl. Turns out Molly’s got a boyfriend! (side note: Shane knows sign language now too!). She wants to take Molly out somewhere, and Jodi offers to have a dinner party with her and Bette, Shane and Molly, and Tina and Sam (the DP on the movie).

Nikki’s agents are freaking out on Tina because the photogs got some snaps of Nikki at She Bar. Tina’s way to help combat that? To have Nikki photographed at her latest premiere with some super hot stud. Just then Greg busts in asking about wardrobe, and they decide that he’s the perfect guy for Nikki to show up at the premiere with. Dates aren’t the only issues they’re having with Nikki. Turns out she’s stomping around and freaking out about her wardrobe! While Jenny’s trying to work out wardrobe issues, Tina’s trying to talk to her, but Jenny’s being a super brat. And when Tina has to tell Jenny that she can’t go with Nikki to the premiere, she doesn’t believe it. Not until she finds Nikki crying in her trailer about it. Like a total baby. And then Jenny takes on Kevin, Nikki’s manager, and almost holds her own.

Shane’s mojo is definitely back, with the actress playing Shaun getting all drunk and trying to convince Shane to sleep with her! That’s the second time this type of narcissistic make-out session has happened (Jenny and Niki were the first).

Bette isn’t super happy that Jodi invited Tina over for the dinner party. She tries to tell Jodi she doesn’t like the idea of them hanging out with their exes, but Jodi just tells her not to come to the party! So she heads back to the set to take her frustrations out on Tina. The two decide to cool it on the sex for now, until they figure out if they want to be together or not.

Tasha and Alice have another run-in on base, but this time it’s because Alice has to testify against Tasha. Things have definitely gotten weird for the Army gals, as I’m pretty sure the prosecuting lawyer is a lesbian. She checked out the naked chick in the shower, for one thing! Then there’s the way she keeps looking at Alice. Clearly a lesbian! During the first day of the trial, Martinez is “broken” and says she was uncomfortable with the special attention Tasha gave her in helping her get her transfer, and that everyone in their unit assumed Tasha was gay. That’s definitely not going to help Tasha’s cause!

So, I want to know when Kit suddenly got all ghetto? I thought it was just sarcasm on her part last episode, but now she’s being ghetto again when she sees the magazine with Niki on the cover. While Kit’s turning ghetto, Molly and Phyllis are arguing about Molly not wanting to go straight to law school after college like her mother wants her to. Turns out she’s broken up with her boyfriend, and is generally bored with her life. Turns out Phyllis is pretty damn elitist and doesn’t like that Molly’s hanging out with Shane. So of course that means Molly’s going to rebel and “go gay for Shane”! I can’t wait to see that happen!

At Niki’s premiere, someone must have gotten through to her because she shows up with Greg! And when Jenny and Adele try to crash, showing up separately, Niki’s managers have her banned from the premises. When Jenny’s not let in, Adele suggests Jenny text her, and when Niki doesn’t get it, Adele says she’ll go in and get Niki for her. And then she poses for pictures before heading in!!! Just as the movie’s about to start, Jenny’ still trying to get in and Adele is schmoosing with people inside! Bitch!! I love it!

Dinner party!!! With three deaf people and almost all lesbians, the jealousy and communication issues are going into overdrive. Bette’s jealous when Tina touches Sam’s hand, and Shane is totally wrapped up in Molly’s talk of her now ex-boyfriend. When the three deaf gals and Bette all start signing, Tina tries to interject but it turns into a pissing contest. So funny! They just need to stop torturing everyone else and get back together! Shane and Molly, meanwhile, are discussing whether or not Shane wants to sleep with her. When Shane says she has no tricks up her sleeve, Molly kisses her. Nice make-out session with a straight girl! But it only lasts a few seconds before Molly panics and asks to be taken home. Classic!

After the movie’s up, Jenny’s still waiting outside. Looks like Adele didn’t do anything to get her in, and then she even encourages Niki to kiss Greg for all the photographers. I really can’t wait for people to figure out that she’s a total crazy bitch!

Back at the trial the next day, it’s Alice’s turn on the stand. First they have to examine The Chart, though, and it’s hilarious! Then it’s Alice’s turn. She’s super snotty to the prosecution, not bending one bit on whether or not Tasha and she ever had sexual intercourse. And then she turns the tables on the prosecution, calling the lawyer a lesbian by association and flustering her into asking for a recess so Alice can collect herself! Turns out what she said struck a nerve, because the lawyer tells Alice to tell Tasha to tell the story of the racetrack just as it happened, with no funny business like Alice pulled. If Tasha says it was just an outing, and it got blown out of proportion by Private Brown because he wanted to get back at Tasha. Basically, she’s saving her own ass. She doesn’t want to lose her military career, and so she’s willing to give up the trial on Tasha to save her own ass. WAY TO GO ALICE!!!

And then when Tasha gets up on the stand, she outs herself!!! She says that she doesn’t think she should have to be denied her personal freedoms after fighting, outs herself, and then says she loves Alice!!! And yet somehow, she wins?!?!? Turns out Tasha’s leaving the military after all, that she’s decided to be an out lesbian rather than closeted and in the military. And then … and then she and Alice kiss ON BASE!!! While Tasha’s still in uniform!!! Good for Tasha!!!

season five links:

LGB Tease
Look Out, Here They Come
Lady Of The Lake
Let’s Get This Party Started
Lookin’ At You Kid
Lights, Camera, Action
Lesbians Gone Wild