Watching Showtime

With Jenny starting to cast for Lez Girls, she and Tina are screening actresses to play Jesse. When one of the girls smacks the “reader” playing Marina’s role, Jenny smiles widely … you can tell she’s going to want that girl to play her! Unresolved issues, anyone??

With the girls supporting Kit in her desire to learn self-defense, they’re all sitting around talking while Kit’s the only one actually trying. They’re all talking about the opening of She Bar, LA’s only super-exclusive all-girls club, “straight out of Miami”. They’re all talking about going to the opening, except for Alice, who’s going to some super-secret party for closeted Hollywood celebs. When they finally get into the swing of things, Tina breaks it to Jenny that Natalie Portman passed on the role of Jesse and they’re going with another actress instead, Niki Stevens. While she pitches a fit about it, Bette and Tina are talking about Tina’s date with the heart surgeon. Shane’s trying to avoid sex still, but the trainer isn’t helping with her convictions.

While the girls are learning self-defense, Max and his assistant are reading the comments to his podcast posting. Apparently some aren’t as congenial as others. Alice is pretty upset about it, too .. she feels like Max bombarded a lesbian site, and while she’s letting Max keep podcasting twice a month, she’s going to be sure to segregate them from the rest of the podcasts. Before they have a chance to finish their conversation though, two Army officers show up at Alice’s house to question her. When she lets them into her apartment, they start going through her stuff and making her very uncomfortable, looking through her magazines and books, questioning her about the chart. Poor Alice!

Jenny’s still upset about Niki Stevens being cast for the role of Jesse, mostly because she looks like she walked off the cover of Maxim Magazine. The producers are telling her they have to go with someone with star quality, sex appeal, and all the things Jenny doesn’t like about her. When Jenny tries to have Adele call William (her money-friend), they tell her even William is on board with Niki, at which point Jenny throws a temper tantrum and leaves. Adele, always the creepy shadow, tells them she thinks Jenny will come around, that she’s a little cranky because she’s quitting smoking. God I hope Adele’s puppy-dog devotion to Jenny turns out to be an act, because I don’t think I can handle her brand of crazy mixed with Jenny’s!

Bette and Jodi seem to be having more and more issues lately. This time it’s work-related, with one of Jodi’s students sculpting a fake gun and holding it to his head in front of the class. Several of the students had such a negative reaction to it that Bette now has to ask Jodi to temper her class. And Jodi, who calls Bette out on her controlling nature all the time, pitches a fit and acts just as bitchy as Bette can, basically putting her in her place. I’m tired of the way Jodi treats Bette, and I miss the days of the ass-kicking Bette Porter!

Tasha shows up at Alice’s place, to find her “de-gayifying”. She’s still really freaked out, and it turns out the military guys weren’t from Tasha’s team but the team working against her. Alice is convinced that she didn’t do anything to hurt Tasha’s case, but the truth is far from that. While Tasha is trying to calm Alice down, Shane is at The Planet, starting to realize maybe she needs sex a little more than she thought she does! Picturing all the servers naked is a clear sign. With that not working, she heads out to get ready to head to She Bar.

Alice and Tasha aren’t going to She Bar, however. They’re planning on going to the super-secret party Alice was invited to, but not before Tasha shows up to her lawyer’s house to cuss him out for not warning her they might have visitors to their apartment. He still doesn’t seem to care, and she gets so mad that the sound of her voice wakes up his wife. Tasha immediately apologizes, saying she’s sorry for busting into her life without warning, frightening and confusing her. Between that statement and Curtis explaining to her why Tasha’s so upset turns his opinion, and he shows up at Alice’s house to tell them that he’s officially on their side. Not that I think that would happen in the “real world”, but it definitely adds to the show that now her lawyer is on her side. And Alice gets to be the cutie housewife, bringing them tea and serving them and such. Cute!!

Shane’s helping Jenny get ready to go to the Girl Bar grand opening, and she’s acting like her typical spoiled brat. She’s bothering Adele, trying to get her to call William about the casting of Jesse while Shane is trying to get her to wear a see-through dress. When the watch William has sent her turns out to be a bribe of sorts, she starts to pout and threatens to not go to the opening. Finally Shane convinces her to go to the party, but not before leering at Jenny … someone CLEARLY needs to get laid.

After the self-defense classes don’t make her feel as safe as she’d like, Kit heads out to the gun store to purchase some heat to carry with her everywhere. Vintage Pam Grier!!

Bette, Jodi and Kit and Tom show up to She Bar, only to find there’s a huge line at the door. They’re being incredibly selective apparently, but when the club owners spot Bette looking all hot, they let the foursome in. Inside it’s a veritable who’s who, hot young things everywhere dancing the night away. Reminds me of a gay club in my town, actually! Looking around, Bette spots Tina and her lawyer friend, but before they get a chance to say hey, the owners come over to say hello and tell Kit she shouldn’t feel threatened by their club being around, but really end up insulting The Planet HUGE. And that’s when Tina and Brenda walk up to say hello. They look like they’re having a blast, and you can tell Bette isn’t as happy for her as she should be. I love Shane’s reaction to the club most of all … “It looks like South Beach threw up!” While the owners are immediately hitting on Shane, Jenny’s outside claiming she wants to put She Bar in her movie!

Alice and Tasha head out to the secret gay party while the rest of the girls head off to Girl Bar. Once inside, Alice immediately starts talking about who she hopes she sees at the party. There’s tons of hot boys and girls flirting around, and Tasha spots an NBA point guard (who also happens to be married with children), but before Alice has a chance to freak out too much they meet the host of the party. He reminds Alice that she can’t be writing or podcasting about the party, as per her signed agreement. The more famous people she spots however, the more you can tell it’s going to kill her to keep it quiet. Proof? While Alice and Tasha are slow-dancing next to the NBA player, Alice sneakily takes out her cell phone and snaps a photo of the boys enjoying a little kissing moment. How no one sees that is beyond me, but I’m not surprised AT ALL!

Back at She Bar, Adele is bringing drinks to Jenny and spots Niki Stevens, who heads over to talk to Jenny. Eventually Jenny agrees to talk to her in private, and eventually Niki convinces Jenny to keep her in the movie, against Jenny’s better judgment. She says she knows how she looks and is trying to break out of that stereotype of the bombshell bimbo, and Jesse is the perfect role for that. Turns out Niki showed up thanks to Adele, who is much more conniving than anyone gave her credit for. And it also turns out Niki is gay, a fact that I’m sure will come in handy later.

While Niki is convincing Jenny to cast her, Shane gets cornered by the owners, who ask her to not only be a regular but also rope her into a three-some!!! Looks like Shane may have found a way to get laid without all the drama she’s used to!! While Shane’s screwing the club owners, Bette finds Tina hiding in one of the side rooms (she’s told Shane she won’t leave without her). Jodi and Kit have just left and Tina is trying to take a break from Brenda, and the pair start talking. Talking about how Tina was just having fun with Brenda, about how the dance club/bar scene isn’t their scene, playing around the lines of their intense sexual attraction. And then, in classic Bette fashion, she grabs Tina’s wrist, pulls her head back, and the pair start kissing! Until, of course, Bette starts crying … out of relief, out of realization that she’s cheating again? Who knows? It’s a great moment, and I can’t wait to see what happens between the pair next week!

season five links:

LGB Tease
Look Out, Here They Come
Lady Of The Lake

Showtime, The L Word, L Word, Bette, Jennifer Beals, Kit, Pam Grier, Alice, Leisha Hailey, Tina, Laurel Holloman, Jenny, Mia Kirshner, Jodi, Marlee Matlin, Shane, Katherine Moennig, Tasha, Rose Rollins, Max, Daniela Sea, Helena, Rachel Shelley, Phyllis, Cybill Shepherd