Watching Showtime

It’s time for the Subaru Pink Ride! The girls have been training all season, and we finally get to watch as they don their “Team Dana” bike shirts, riding from the Pacific Northwest over 200 miles back down to LA. Everyone’s there, from Jodi and Kit to Dana (in spirit) and even Adele and Max! Whenever the ladies take to the streets, leave LA for other locales, drama ensues ten-fold, and I’m sure this trip will be no exception!

Like I said, the drama starts en masse! Tasha runs into some girls she knows from a gay club back in LA, and when Alice tells her she’s never heard of it, Tasha tells her it’s a mostly black girls lesbian club, different from her scene. As the girls ride off, Alice admits (begrudgingly) to some jealousy at one of the other ladies flirting with her woman. Plus, we get to hear Tasha’s amazing laugh, which is never a bad thing. As the happy couple heads off to the starting line, you spot Tina, who has just spotted Niki there. Kissing Jenny. Turns out she as supposed to be in LA, shooting the cover for Rolling Stone Magazine. After a hilarious conversation between Niki and Adele, Niki promises no one will even recognize her. Just as two dudes walk up to get her autograph and take pictures with her.

And that’s when Molly shows up. Sounds like she and Shane have already had a pretty big fight over the things Molly said about her to her mother, and Shane doesn’t seem to be backing down. Kit thinks it’s true love that Molly flew all the way up there to do the bike ride and keep fighting with Shane, but even Molly admits it’s slightly stalker-like. Shane’s not having any of it, saying she doesn’t want to be her loser fuck-buddy, her teacher about the gay world, or her project/student. And with that, the ride is on, with hundreds off to show their support.

After a biking montage (in which all the gals look adorable in their Dana shirts and we see not only the tension between Tina/Bette/Jodi, but also the jealous streak coming out in Alice. And then Bette’s riding up next to Tina, and they’re discussing the inevitable breakup between Bette and Jodi. Tina doesn’t want her to know they had been fooling around, acting on their love before they broke up. And somehow Bette looks sad that Tina has said that, which I don’t get.

At the first rest stop, it’s starting to rain and so Shane and Niki are stopped under the tent to wait out the rain. Niki’s curious to know if she and Jenny ever hooked up, and seemed surprised to find out they haven’t. When Jenny shows up, she’s got Molly tailing behind her, and Shane takes off before she can catch up. Or so she thinks. Molly ends up catching her, and makes a bet with her. They decide to race to the next pit stop, and if Molly wins Shane has to listen to her. And just when it looks like Shane’s going to win (all that working out instead of sex seems to have done her good!), Molly shouts out I love you, causing Shane to stop dead in her tracks and Molly beats her into the pit stop! And what she says is amazing. She tells Shane that they didn’t have the terrible sex Shane thinks they did, that it was simply her first time and that Shane just doesn’t remember what that’s like. And when Shane tells her Molly’s just been using her to get back at her mother, Molly screams that she really cares about her, that she’s a fast learner and will get her doctorate in gay. And that’s when they kiss!!! AW!!!! Finally Shane has a girl in her life again!

At the pit stop there’s a cabin that’s been turned into a shrine, and people have been pinning pictures of friends and loved ones to a breast cancer quilt. As they all gather around Alice takes her Team Dana pin off and pins it to the quilt. Tears are shed, of course. It’s good that they’re finally going to acknowledge the loss they all felt when Dana died. They went almost all last season without talking about it, and that was definitely a mistake on the part of the writers.

Back on the road, the girls (and boys!!!) are having a good time riding and talking, laughing with each other and even peeing off to the side of the road! There’s even a mini water fight before we get back to the seriousness of the Tina/Jodi/Bette drama (secret looks) and back on the road. Niki’s brought a video camera with, and is filming all of her girlfriend’s friends having a good time. Such good moments are caught on that brief moment of film … hugs and kisses between cute couples, smiles and kisses abounding. (it’s so cute it sort of makes me want to throw up a little)

Getting ready to camp for the first night, everyone’s starting to get their tents set up. Alice is struggling with hers, and wonders aloud if there’s a hotel they can check into. Which is when Tasha shows up and says she’s already been there for two hours. Sounds like she’s been riding with her old friends instead of her girlfriend, but she sticks around to help Alice build her tent. The tent that takes the cake, however, is the huge palatial tent Adele got for Jenny. She got production to make a product placement deal with Northface, and as long as they get a picture of Niki in front of the tent on the ride, it’s free. Can anyone else tell the drama’s about to start? If there was any question, the fighting Bette and Jodi get into is a clear sign. Molly’s mocking Shane for her Costco sale tent, and when they notice Jenny’s tent they head over to cause trouble. Within seconds they’ve snuck up to the tent and pulled out one of the ropes, causing the whole thing to topple down onto them!

Jodi heads over to Tina’s tent to help her, and they spend a few minutes talking about Bette. Sounds like she’s been really moody lately, and Jodi’s pretty worried about it. After helping Tina put up the tent, she gives her a big hug (presumably thanking her for listening) and heads off. As the sun sets, everyone is sitting around the campfire eating sandwiches, drinking beer, and roasting marshmallows to make smores. Alice heads over to talk to Adele, and it seems like she wants to know if Adele plays for their team or not. She admits to being single, and Alice wants to set her up on the ride. Adele’s not up for it, though, preferring to focus on her work. When Alice doesn’t buy it, Adele admits to having her eye on someone, but that it’s a secret. Do we think it’s Jenny or Niki? I’m betting Niki.

Is it just me, or is Niki hitting on Shane in the line for the showers????? Um, yeah, she definitely checked out Shane as she was taking it all off to get showered off!

Tasha’s been hiding out in the tent, trying to figure her life out, and when Alice comes in they start to talk about the future. Tasha asks her what she wants for the future, and Alice says she’s hoping she gets the television deal, that she thinks she wants kids eventually, and then asks what Tasha wants. And how cute is it that Tasha’s response? She wants to move in with Alice!!! And then we get to hear more of Tasha’s amazing laugh before Alice drags her out of the tent and out to hang out with everyone else making smores. Just as they walk up, Shane and Molly head off to got “eat” somewhere else! Hah!!! And right about the same time so do Jenny and Niki! Everyone else seems to be having a great time, and we get treated to a few great sex scenes. Molly moves up from beginner to advanced lesbian as she takes the lead with Shane for the first time. As for hot tips Shane gives …. well, we’ll just have to wait for comments to see if her hot tip is a good one or not! What do you all think? Any theories?

While they’re messing around, Jenny’s giving Niki a very risque present. She’s bought her a strap-on! At first Niki doesn’t seem to into it, but then they go about filming each other getting naked and making out, and the whole thing gets hilariously crazy (and, I must say, very realistic seeming) as the pair experiment and make love. The only truly creepy things? First, that they have stilettos on a bike ride, and second, that ADELE WATCHED FROM OUTSIDE THE TENT, smoking a cigarette like some pervy dude in a dirty movie theater!

As Molly and Shane head back to the group, we find out a little more about little Miss Molly, and it turns out she’s going to be a public defender. She also wants Shane to come visit her when she heads back to school (which is on the East Coast), and I’m assuming that’s going to be a storyline in the next season. Back at the campground, they’re trying to tell ghost stories, and Alice wins out with her horrid story of a murderer escaped from the mental hospital. Of course. As they’re making fun of her for her lame story, Jenny and Niki come running up with masks on to scare everyone, which works for a brief minute before they all start laughing. And then they all let on that they’ve heard every sound the couple made while in the tent!

And that’s when they all decide to play I Never, the game all high school and college kids have played, and the game that also almost always ends with serious drama. After a few silly questions (including never sleeping with girls and never lying about who they’re sleeping with), Tom tells them to amp it up. My favorite moments before all the drama starts? Alice hitting her tooth with the beer bottle and Tasha admitting to thinking kissing is cheating. And that’s where the drama starts. The ladies start talking about the boundaries of cheating, and Shane busts out that she doesn’t think sleeping with someone just one time counts as cheating. They almost all agree that it depends on the agreement the couple has, but then they all get back to fighting again. Shane says to Molly that she wouldn’t care if Molly slept with any one of her friends as long as she came home to her afterwards. Huh. At least she’s honest about her position.

And it’s all in good fun until Tasha says that she thinks that just thinking about it is cheating too, because you’re giving intimacy that you should be giving to your partner to someone else. And then they mostly all say that they think kissing is cheating, and when Bette starts to say she doesn’t agree, Alice starts shit. And when she won’t let it go, Jodi jokingly asks if Bette’s cheated on her. And before Bette can answer, Tina stalks off and Jodi figures it all out and stalks off herself. Teh shit has officially hit the fan for Bette in a relationship. Yet again. Unfortunately for Bette, Alice was right.

As the dust settles on all the drama, Tina and Bette both separately admit to being in love with the other, and through tears each say they want to be with the other. Alice and Shane are consoling Tina, and have a mini I Never moment when Shane says she never saw this coming. Hilarious! They agree in the end that they belong together, and that they always have. And Kit’s freaking out on Bette, which she totally deserves, because once again Bette has only been thinking about what she wants. And thank god Kit can be her sister and give her the tough love she needs, reminding her she and Jodi had a real shot and that she’s definitely once again doing what’s right for Bette.

Left at the fire are Jenny and Niki, who are discussing the drama that has just ensued. Jenny says that Bette and Tina should have stayed together, had the courage to work through their problems (and I agree with that to a degree). While they’re talking about their love, and how all Jenny’s friends think she’s crazy for loving Niki, they also get around to talking about the lasting power of their love. They both think it will outlast the movie, which is pretty much the kiss of death in my book, but as long as they think they’ll make it, there’s bound to be good sex for us to watch. While the lovebirds are talking, crazy Adele has snuck into their tent. She steals the video tape they recorded their sex-capade on, switching it out instead with a blank one!!!!

The next morning, as Bette cries it all out (finally) and then heads off to find Jodi, we learn Jodi and Tom have left. The fallout of that bad night will probably be Tom and Max’s relationship as well as Bette and Jodi’s, because the writers just can’t seem to let Bette be happy. After the ladies get their tents and gear packed up, they head out for the second leg of their trip, much more somber than the day before but still determined to finish what they started for Dana.

season five links:

LGB Tease
Look Out, Here They Come
Lady Of The Lake
Let’s Get This Party Started
Lookin’ At You Kid
Lights, Camera, Action
Lesbians Gone Wild
Lay Down The Law
Liquid Heat