Watching Showtime

With Adele still in charge and Jenny still on the outs, she and Tina go into a meeting with a major studio, who is thinking of distributing the movie. Three super straight men (one chomping down on an apple for goodness sake) tell them that they’re super excited to market the movie, as long as one “minor” issue is fixed. The ending. They want Jessie to go back to her boyfriend in the end, rather than end up with a woman. They feel the “fly-by” states aren’t ready for an out lesbian ending such as the one Jenny’s written. That’s not going to go over well! And why is Adele still there? When does Jenny bust in all crazy-eyes and kick her ASS?!?!

Driving home from Angie’s daycare, Bette and Tina are talking about where they both live. Tina loves living on the West side of town, closer to Angie’s school and away from all the hub-bub of downtown, and Bette asks if she should sell her house. Interesting …. Bette finally talking compromise for Tina. Stopping the discussion, Tina asks to here Bette’s speech for the opening of Jodi’s new show. It’s good, but Tina thinks it’s a bit sexist. Whatever, they’re lesbian women, why not talk about it? And then Angie starts asking about Jodi. Poor thing, she’s been tossed between her mommies’ lovers for her entire life. Just when she bonds with one of them, Mama’s B and T break up with them and she’s ripped from them. At least this time Tina makes a good decision and says Bette should find a way to keep Jodi in Angie’s life in some way. Before Bette can protest too much, a bus drives by with Alice’s picture on it. Looks like she got the job as the newest hostess of The Look!

While Bette and Tina are stuck in traffic, a helicopter flies overhead with a hospital patient. Turns out it’s ??? Peabody. And then suddenly Helena’s there (YAY!!!), in a super cute top and jeans, which is the first thing ??? notices. Shane’s taking naked pictures of Molly, who is still sleeping in her bed, and then she climbs back in to nuzzle and get randy with her. Turns out they’re having breakfast with Phyllis! Also getting up are Alice and Tasha, who apparently is now working security at “Cal-Mart” (way to not even TRY to fake a big-box store Ilene). She doesn’t seem very happy to have the job, and is most likely missing her military career pretty horribly right about now.

Back at the hospital, Helena’s freaking out about her mother’s hospital visit. Turns out she’s been bitten by a jellyfish on one of her many vacations and is afraid she might die. She wants to make sure Helena’s situated nicely, and apparently thinks that her living in a hut in Tahiti with Dusty, who is the granddaughter of a vanilla pot picker? Turns out she wants to get Helena back into the Foundation and the family, as Helena is her sole heir. She’s nervous she’ll screw it all up again, but Helena’s not listening, instead heading off to talk to the doctors and try not to miss her standby return ticket (as it will cost her $75 if she misses her flight). Helena sure has changed! And I love the blonde streaks!

On their way to a cafe for breakfast, Molly and Shane are discussing Shane’s newfound love of photography. She wants to get into portraiture or maybe even fashion (what happened to hair?) but first she wants to go to school. And then Molly gets all weird and tells her she doesn’t need school, she just needs to get to work. Which is of course making Shane think she’s back to the whole “I like Shane because she’s dumb” thing, which Molly denies. Their conversation is cut short by noticing Phyllis is there with Joyce, the woman who was her mother’s divorce lawyer. Before the shit can hit the fan, Shane does her typical work of smoothing everything over for all the people around her, getting Molly to sit down and give her mother the courtesy of allowing her to be happy, just as Molly has been asking from her. Shane is too good to people (despite all the cheating).

Kit’s got her hands full at The Planet, with Dawn Denbo and her lover Cindi there with their good friend the South Beach interior designer. Turns out they hate the entire design structure and have changed the whole thing around. And just as Kit is about to kill them, Helena walks in. This puts Kit in a much better mood, and they head into The Planet to have some cookies and coffee and catch up. Back at breakfast, Joyce is trying to bond with Molly over law school and scores and such. Turns out Molly got some Supreme Court internship, along with her top 2% LSAT scores in the country, but has decided instead to go surfing in Honolulu with Shane all summer. Shane is appropriately horrified at not knowing Molly is giving up her future for a surf trip, but Molly isn’t dissuaded.

Back at The Planet, Kit and Helena are talking, and she’s saying how much she was missed. Helena’s telling Kit how much she missed LA as well, and that she might not be staying in Tahiti forever. And then Kit calls Cindi Dawn’s servant-maid just as she walks up behind her. Awesome! But Cindi’s there to apologize to Kit, to tell her that she doesn’t like what Dawn’s doing anymore than Kit does. And that’s when Helena sees how Dawn treats Cindi, which is horrible.

Tasha and Alice are walking around, heading off to meet an old friend of Tasha’s. She’s quit her job as a security guard and is meeting with one of her friends from basic training. JJ and Karen both know who Alice is, and freak out about it immediately. Alice won’t join them for lunch, but before she goes she gives Karen her autograph. Looks like Tasha seems cool with all the attention Alice is about to be getting, which is good. But is Alice read for it?

Jenny and Tina are meeting at The Planet to talk about the movie, and Jenny seems less and less crazy as the moments go on. Niki’s been asking about Jenny every second she can, and Jenny’s still not budging. Tina tries to defend Niki, saying she’s got a lot to lose, but it looks like so does Jenny. Her agents have dropped her, she doesn’t have her movie anymore, and she’s lost her lady love. She’s not going to budge, and good for her. It’s like all the crazy has been drained out of her by Adele, who has clearly gone off the deep end.

Back on set, Jessi and Carina (the movie) are fighting as Jessi is leaving .. remember that harsh moment from the first season? As Adele calls cut, she whispers something to an assistant as she sees Tina walking up. Turns out Adele wants her off the set! She claims she can’t work with Tina looking over her shoulder and wants her escorted off set. Just like she did to Jenny. Turns out Adele thinks loyalty is very important to her, and knows that Tina is on Jenny’s side, and she doesn’t want her on set to do Jenny’s bidding in her absence. When Tina asks why she should leave the set, Adele threatens to stop shooting, implying the only way the picture will stay on schedule and on budget is without Tina there. (off topic, I LOVE the top Tina has on in that scene. Can someone make me one?) Oh, and when did Adele start smoking cloves?

Helena’s back at the hospital talking to her mother about Kit’s problems with The Planet. And that’s when Helena’s mom tells her to buy it back, reminding her every lowlife has a price. When Helena reminds her that she didn’t want her to buy her friends, her mother reminds her that these are the people who stood by her when she had nothing. And then as they talk about how much the elder Peabody had to be sure of Helena’s ability to live up to the Peabody name, she plants in Helena’s head the beginnings of a scheme that’s just brilliant. Not only has she said she should buy The Planet back from Dawn Denbo, she mutters “buy your friend a nightclub”. BRILLIANT! I love Peggy Peabody … she just told Helena to buy both The Planet and She Bar!

Alice is riding around LA with the fashion designer, and they look like they’re in the same damn outfit. They get a ticket for riding around on the sidewalk and then take to walking around. Alice called Tasha to make sure she’s home and ready in time for Bette’s school art opening, and then the designer girl says she’s disappointed that Tasha is Alice’s girlfriend. And then Alice says so is she. Wait, what?!? And then they start talking about being attracted to someone new when you’re still in a relationship. Totally contrived moment, for sure. And then Alice says she thinks her relationship might be in trouble. And then she and the fashion lady almost kiss. ALMOST. Seriously? And then Alice, who doesn’t even know that Helena is back yet, quotes Helena about things starting in chaos. And then she’s complimenting Alice, and Alice is holding her hand. Alice, Alice, Alice. You dumb bitch.

Tina’s back at Bette’s, who is impressed that she’s so calm about being kicked off set. Turns out it’s just for one day, that they wrap at 4am and then the next night is the wrap party. Tina wants to be at the art opening with Bette, but they both know that’s a horrible idea. Turns out Tina’s favorite scene is the one they’re shooting in her absence, the one where Jessi’s heart is broken at having lost her first love. And she says that she knows the feeling, because that’s how she felt when Bette left her. Turns out Jenny wrote a great ending to the movie, with Jessi’s life just beginning, giving a positive message to young gay women, very hopeful. That scene, favorite or no, turns out to not be as important to Tina as making out. Maybe Ilene’s going to some sort of makeout extreme with this episode.

Back at Alice’s house, Tasha tells her that she’s signed up for the Police Academy. She seems super excited, and the force seems super pro-gay with domestic partner benefits and everything. Alice doesn’t seem near as happy about it as Tasha does, but tries to mask it. Poorly. While she’s trying to swallow her shit, Helena’s showing up to She Bar to talk to Dawn and Cindi. Just Cindi’s there, though. Turns out that’s exactly who Helena wants to talk to, saying she’s got a proposition for her. Looks like Cindi’s going to be in on the plan to ruin Dawn!!!

At the art opening, Bette’s looking gorgeous and nervous, especially when people are telling her they’re surprised she decided to show up after Jodi told them what the piece was about. Uh, oh! She doesn’t get to find out, however, with people being too busy to finish their sentences. All the rest of the gang is there, and Jenny’s trying to talk them all into going to the wrap party even though she’s not going to be there. They all see Jodi and start talking to her, but the whole thing is cut short when Bette walks up. Jodi walks away mid-conversation, and Max trails behind Tom like a puppy, telling everyone else he’ll see them inside. Clearly Jodi’s not ready to be friends with Bette. Everyone else just looks on horrified.

Before heading into the art exhibit, Phyllis grabs Shane to talk to her for a minute. Turns out she doesn’t think Shane’s worthy of her, and makes it very clear. When Shane tries to stand up for both Molly and herself, Phyllis says that she doesn’t want Shane to throw Molly away “like a piece of garbage”, quoting both Bette and Alice and the horrible (although somewhat true) things they’ve said about Shane and her love track record. The whole thing smells of the season one finale, when Shane was professing her love for the married woman who broke her heart. Poor Shane shouldn’t go to art shows!!! Phyllis walks away asking Shane to spare Molly the heartbreak of falling in love with Shane.

While they wait for Jodi’s piece to be revealed, Jodi’s making nice with everyone but Bette, and it looks like Shane knew how to sign the whole time. Yet again she’s a good friend. And then the debut starts, with Bette being announced to introduce Jodi. After giving a phenomenal introduction of Jodi, one of the more complimentary things Bette has ever said about anyone, the piece is revealed. Turns out her piece is about core values .. you know, the thing Bette said they didn’t share. And then suddenly there’s video of Bette all over the walls of the art space, talking on her phone and it seems like Jodi’s recorded pieces of their conversation the day they officially broke up. Horrifying!!! She has betrayed Bette completely and in front of the entire LA art world.

At She Bar that night, all seems to be going as per usual, with Dawn checking out all the beautiful women on the screen. And then she sees Helena, who is super cold. And then all the rest of the girls show up to say hello as well. And that’s when Dawn starts to get all pissy, asking how they got past security, and telling them they all have to get out. And then there’s Kit, all ghetto and amazing, telling Dawn they can’t be asked to leave because they own She Bar. Turns out Helena got her primary investors to sign over their shares of both She Bar and The Planet, especially after they’d found out she’d leveraged their money and their investments to within an inch of bankruptcy. And then the serious blow. Cindi’s last name is Tucker. She tells Dawn off, reminding her that she’s not just Dawn’s lover, and that now she’s with Helena. From one pimp to another, I guess. Before she leaves in a huff, Dawn tells them it’s not over, but I don’t know what more she can do to them.

With all that drama over, Shane and Molly are rocking out on the dance floor. And that’s when Shane decides to follow Phyllis’ advice about not breaking Molly’s heart by sending her off to get a drink while she openly and brazenly flirts with another girl. She’s trying to run Molly off so she can have a good life of being a lawyer, but Molly’s too smart for that. She calls Shane out on her shit, tells her she deserves compassion, and then says that once she’s done figuring her shit out, hopefully Molly will still be there. I hope so too.

Back at Bette’s house, she’s lying in Tina’s arms humiliated at what Jodi did. They’re curled up together, and Bette says the only reason she can let go of her pain and humiliation is because she’s with Tina. That’s not very healthy Bette. The next morning, or is it evening, Bette and Tina are pulling up to the wrap party for the movie. And then Adele gets out of William’s limo with the woman who played Carina. Awesome. Once inside, all the ladies are hanging out, asking Shane about Molly. They all toast Jenny, who isn’t even there to enjoy the moment. And then they see Adele kissing Begonia (Carina) in a moment way too similar to the all-girl boat party. Where’s someone with a camera to get her in trouble when you need it? Later in the party, Tasha’s sort of hitting on one of the other stars, and Alice finally loses it and tells Shane about how she’s met someone. And then Alice says that she knows she should work on things with Tasha, that they all just go for instant gratification in their relationships and that she wants to truly give this a shot. And that’s when Shane, with all her eternal wisdom for her friends, tells Alice that she’s seen her work hard at the relationship from day one, and that maybe she’s just come to a place where she realizes she wants something different. And that Alice has a right to be happy. Which she does. But still …

And then Bette and Tina are dancing and being all slutty, and all their friends are saying how they’ve always belonged together. It’s like they’re trying to end the show as if they didn’t know they were coming back (which they didn’t). We’ve finally come full circle with Bette and Tina, the pair of them finally back together and on good terms with both themselves and one another. Too bad Niki’s not having as good a time as everyone else. Shane’s the only one to notice (of course), and heads on over to see what the problem is. Turns out she’s tired of everyone always wanting her to be who they want her to be. Good thing she’s got Shane there, with all her wisdom (she’s sort of like Yoda this episode), listens to Niki and bonds with her. And then they both agree to not give a shit, just as the festivities start to get underway fully.

William gets on the mike and announces Adele, who apparently has just signed a three picture deal. Scam artist!! I wish she could get her due, because we all know it’s coming very shortly. And then holy crap, she starts to mention Jenny, who suddenly shows up to defend her honor. With her entrance, Jenny gets some serious applause from everyone, and she takes the mike. And while Jenny is thanking her incredible friends for their loyalty and compassion, we see Shane (Jenny’s best friend) making out with Shane. And that’s when Jenny decides she wants to tell Niki that she’s madly in love with her. And with that, Jenny gets off the stage, and heads off to find Niki. Niki, who is i n the midst of fucking Shane in the pagoda, with her dress all askew and the pair of them ruining any bit of friendship and love they had left. Or was it Shane that Jenny had realized she was madly in love with after all, and that’s what she was trying to tell Niki????

With that betrayal, all hell breaks loose. Adele has agreed to change the ending of the movie and have Jessi go back to Ben, while Jenny’s walking out on her friendship with Shane. And then they’re all in the same place at the same time, with all their friends watching Jenny tell Shane she’s committed the ultimate betrayal, and that she’s the one who broke her heart really. Holy shit, with that ending, we’ve got a whole year to wait before the show comes back. With the group both torn apart and brought back together again all at the same time, I don’t know if I can wait!

season five links:

LGB Tease
Look Out, Here They Come
Lady Of The Lake
Let’s Get This Party Started
Lookin’ At You Kid
Lights, Camera, Action
Lesbians Gone Wild
Lay Down The Law
Liquid Heat
Life Cycle
Lunar Cycle