Watching Showtime

Who doesn’t love a little fan fiction to start off an episode? I love the Charlie’s Angels take on the gang, and everyone around the web is saying how nice it was to see Shane looking more girlie than usual, but my favorite part? That the fan who wrote the scene totally captured Jenny’s crazy arrogance. After that hilarity, the episode begins for real.

The girls have hit the gym for what may be the first time in the series, and it would seem that Shane has been working out instead of sleeping around, much to the suprise of Tina and Leisha. Looks like Shane has given up her drug of choice in order to waylay the drama that’s been happening with more frequency. First Paige burned down her shop, and then one of the bridesmaids threw a rock through her window. Nice. Shane might not need to swear off sex, but she certainly needs to learn how to find girls who aren’t CRAZY.

While working out, the girls start discussing Tina’s most recent date, which didn’t end well. She’s unaware she’s a total snob, and so the girls are going to try to help her find a girl more her speed (read: Bette). Looks like Jenny’s having much better luck with this assistant, btw. She’s helping Jenny do everything from switch out the weights she’s using to taking her pulse and feeding her water. Am I the only one who thinks that this broad may have Jenny beat in the crazy department? Shane’s having trouble being around all the naked ladies in the locker room, and the rest of the girls ignore it, deciding instead to sign up for the Pink Ride, a bike ride raising money for breast cancer research. They decide to call it “Team Dana”, which is nice … they’re finally talking about their dead best friend!

Back at The Planet, Max is figuring out that he might be more into men than he’d ever thought he’d be. While a woman he wouldn’t have looked twice at men, but now he’s not so sure. And it looks like Max isn’t the only one growing comfortable in a new role, as Helena is getting more and more badass now that she’s got Dusty on her side. The two are clearly a prison couple now, although it looks like Helena went from being her last girlfriend’s bitch to her current girlfriend’s bitch. When will she learn?

After their workout, the girls head to the Planet, where they meet up with Max to start filming Alice’s podcast. Jodi and Bette have just gotten done discussing Jodi’s yearly trip to Big Bear with a group of her friends, and Bette was unsuccessful in weaseling her way out of going. Good for Jodi for standing up to Bette, which is something I’m sure she’s not used to! This week Alice is interviewing Jodi for her podcast, and Max and Tom (Jodi’s interpreter) waste no time in getting their flirt on while they wait for the ladies to finish trying to find Tina a date on Our Chart and get ready to film. Once the girls finally get to rolling, they sidetrack to signs for lesbian, cunnilingus, fuck and others. So many cute moments between the women, from Max’s assistant and Shane to Max and Tom. Mini romances abound!!!

Tasha’s found out her old friend Beech, one of the base lawyers, has been assigned her case, despite his protests. It sucks that this sort of thing happens, that people lose friendships like this for being caught being themselves. I wish I could reach through my television and smack the guy for being so homophobic. She has to defend her decision to hug another female soldier, along with not promoting Private Brown (her accuser) to a desk job. And when Beech tells her she shouldn’t have “decided” to be a lesbian, she loses it, reminding him of all the ways she “decided” to be soldier, and a good one at that, and that she did not, in fact, “decide” to be a soldier. When she gets home, Alice reads the charges, and tells her that she’s willing to fight the charges with her. Turns out the best way to fight it is to lie, and Alice offers to help take their relationship underground for her, in order to try to help her case.

On the way up to the cabin in Big Bear, Jodi and Bette are reviewing everyone’s names that she’ll meet, and it’s funny to watch Jodi try to talk and drive at the same time. Bette can’t handle the swerving, and so they decide to spend the drive in silence. It sounds like Jodi’s best friend Michaelangelo might just have a lot in common with Bette. They show up late in the night, and so head into a cabin filled with Jodi’s sleeping friends.

In prison, Helena and Dusty are putting together a puzzle full of some ritzy islands, and it turns out Dusty’s got family that own property on one of them. Just then Helena is called out of the cell to meet a visitor. At 10pm. Dusty recognizes she won’t be back despite Helena’s protestations, and gives her the piece of the puzzle with the “flower-shaped islands” on them. In the visitors room, Helena is surprised to meet her mother, who has just had a hilarious interaction with a prisoner who has asked to eat her pussy. Only Mrs. Peabody could talk to someone like that and get away with it! Turns out she was on some treasure hunt, but has returned to post Helena’s bail and take her off to Europe until her record is expunged. After throwing around a few dozen “mummy’s”, Helena tells her she doesn’t want to be rescued, and would rather stay in jail. Doesn’t seem to matter however, as her mother is going to take her out of jail, like it or not.

The cabin doesn’t seem to be all it’s cracked up to be for Bette. After starting out the morning being razzed by a group of people she does not know for having raucous sex with Jodi all night, it’s clear she’s not going to fit in well with their laid-back style. Later in the day the entire group is playing touch football. The entire group, with the exception of Bette, who is sitting on a bench and working. After several attempts by various members of the group to help her acclimate, Michaelangelo finally tells her she either has to play football with them or get thrown in the lake. When she tells him she will NOT play football, he actually trhows. Bette. In the lake. NOT a good idea!!! (side note: I would love to know someone like Michaelangelo!)

Things only get worse that night during dinner preparations, when Michaelangelo starts questioning her on what she’s doing to equal out the lack of equanimity in the art world. He runs a small gallery in a small town, and she is immediately horrified that he would think paintings from Jacksonhole, Wyoming would be as good as the paintings in her collection. But she relents, mostly because Jodi is there trying to make peace between the two of them, and offers to view some of the pieces he’s so excited about.

Back at the gym, Shane is filling Tina in on all the ways she’s cleansing her body and mind now that she’s off sex. She’s learning new words, doing her taxes, and cleaning out her closet. And it’s all well and good until she spots a woman stretching across the gym, and starts to ride her stationary bike like she wants to give herself a heart attack! Later, while trying to meditate, Jenny pulls her classic move of making everything all about her, disrupting Shane’s time. And after Max comes into the room as well, Shane gives up and offers to do the one thing no one else has been willing to do for him: watch his podcast. Poor Max, once again getting the shaft from almost everyone around him, and the reminder yet again that Shane is possibly the best and most loyal friend in the bunch.

That night Tina is on a date, set up through Our Chart. They’ve gone back to the lady’s house after dinner, and she seems pretty cool with Tina talking about Bette as much as she does. After looking at a few of her date’s paintings, they move their little party to the couch, where the slutty slutty time happens, natch. It’s good to see Tina finally getting some female ass again, and maybe for a minute not thinking completely about Bette. If we do the math, this might be one of only a handful of women Tina’s been with. Bette was her first, and there was Helena. Was there anyone else? This might be her third female relationship!!!

The next day at the cabin, Jodi’s having a great time with her friends when Bette rolls up in the car, all packed and ready to go. Kit was robbed a gun-point, and Bette wants to get back before Kit loses it completely and starts drinking. Too bad it’s also nice for Bette that she gets to leave an uncomfortable and awkward situation.

Skipping forward a day, Helena and her mother show up early at the Planet to say her goodbyes to her friends before she heads off with her unhappy mother to hide while her record is expunged. No one’s very happy at the party, however, after Helena’s mom finished verbally trashing Helena to all her friends. Shane heads out to have a cigarette while Helena follows her, telling her she’s taking off. Escaping her mother’s grasp, unearthing the money she’d hidden, bailing Dusty out, and riding off into the sunset. Who wants to bet they’re going to the “Flower Shaped Islands”?!

season five links:

LGB Tease
Look Out, Here They Come

Showtime, The L Word, L Word, Bette, Jennifer Beals, Kit, Pam Grier, Alice, Leisha Hailey, Tina, Laurel Holloman, Jenny, Mia Kirshner, Jodi, Marlee Matlin, Shane, Katherine Moennig, Tasha, Rose Rollins, Max, Daniela Sea, Helena, Rachel Shelley, Phyllis, Cybill Shepherd